continue-ing.......
i still wondering....is SY ..**lets use the word 'H' for this kind of...feeling(?) ba..**
H me?
i felt that...again...
lolz...
when can i fight with this feeling?
i hate this.!!!!
why i don't dare to ask.?!
why can't i be that kind of...just speak whatever i want, do whatever i hope to..?
why i'll keep thinking something like..."no, i cannot do this", "i shouldn't talk", "i can't share my minds", "it's not the time for me to say anything.!!!", ......
why.?!
i hate myself....
and this is the reason...
one of the reasons....
everytime most of the time, i regret what i said, and what i did, ...
but there's nothing i can change....
i did it and i said it.....
when is this weird war starts.?
where is its ending?
i hope this weird war's ending is tomorrow, or even 5mins more from now.........
i hope i know the result now, no matter the result i'll get is a good ending, or sad ending....
i want the result NOW.!!!
i hate this weird feeling..
i hate whatever i had in my mind
i hate myself.....
if you're like to know me more, i'm sorry, i hope you'll just ask me...
or else it's hard to let me tell you those things on my own without any 'supported situation'...
lolz...
that's why, whenever my friends ask me why i'm so "cool", i don't know how to reply....
and i can tell you now that, i'm scared...
i scare if i know a new friend now, the percentage for the "weird feeling" to 'attack' me is higher..
the percentage for this to happen, i think, is directly proportional to the number of friends i have....
oh gosh...
sometimes i really hope that i'm totally alone...
but i'll envy others when they're chatting with their friends happily...
so..i don't know what i really want...
either,
have a nice days for knowing new friends, then down few months for the weird feeling...
or,
staying alone from the beginning, until the end.........
if you were me, which kind of life will you choose?
i dont' know, i really got no idea on this...
when im 14, form 2 yrs, i changed secondary school from SMKTE to SMKSB..
then i tell myself that, i wanna stay alone...until im graduated from my high school...
but, i can't.!!
i failed.!!
even i keep quiet and sit there alone, there'll always someone that very friendly approach you to say hi and intro to you....
well, i know i like social...i like to being surrounded by friends, all the time..
i like to being the top in few things, like sport, or kawad......
i wanna to be more popular, i want everyone know who is LWH.!!!!
but...yea, i tried my best on these activities, i have had my nicest memories within this few years, but also, i've had that weird feeling all the time, too....
why i failed.?!
why can't i against it?
why must i keep myself in the small black room i created years ago secretly in my heart?
why can't i just live like my others friends.?!
like whatever they did, the sun will still shine on them, the spotlight will always on them, they'll always be the centre of the group, the main character of others' stories.?!
i still wondering....is SY ..**lets use the word 'H' for this kind of...feeling(?) ba..**
H me?
i felt that...again...
lolz...
when can i fight with this feeling?
i hate this.!!!!
why i don't dare to ask.?!
why can't i be that kind of...just speak whatever i want, do whatever i hope to..?
why i'll keep thinking something like..."no, i cannot do this", "i shouldn't talk", "i can't share my minds", "it's not the time for me to say anything.!!!", ......
why.?!
i hate myself....
and this is the reason...
one of the reasons....
but there's nothing i can change....
i did it and i said it.....
when is this weird war starts.?
where is its ending?
i hope this weird war's ending is tomorrow, or even 5mins more from now.........
i hope i know the result now, no matter the result i'll get is a good ending, or sad ending....
i want the result NOW.!!!
i hate this weird feeling..
i hate whatever i had in my mind
i hate myself.....
if you're like to know me more, i'm sorry, i hope you'll just ask me...
or else it's hard to let me tell you those things on my own without any 'supported situation'...
lolz...
that's why, whenever my friends ask me why i'm so "cool", i don't know how to reply....
and i can tell you now that, i'm scared...
i scare if i know a new friend now, the percentage for the "weird feeling" to 'attack' me is higher..
the percentage for this to happen, i think, is directly proportional to the number of friends i have....
oh gosh...
sometimes i really hope that i'm totally alone...
but i'll envy others when they're chatting with their friends happily...
so..i don't know what i really want...
either,
have a nice days for knowing new friends, then down few months for the weird feeling...
or,
staying alone from the beginning, until the end.........
if you were me, which kind of life will you choose?
i dont' know, i really got no idea on this...
when im 14, form 2 yrs, i changed secondary school from SMKTE to SMKSB..
then i tell myself that, i wanna stay alone...until im graduated from my high school...
but, i can't.!!
i failed.!!
even i keep quiet and sit there alone, there'll always someone that very friendly approach you to say hi and intro to you....
well, i know i like social...i like to being surrounded by friends, all the time..
i like to being the top in few things, like sport, or kawad......
i wanna to be more popular, i want everyone know who is LWH.!!!!
but...yea, i tried my best on these activities, i have had my nicest memories within this few years, but also, i've had that weird feeling all the time, too....
why i failed.?!
why can't i against it?
why must i keep myself in the small black room i created years ago secretly in my heart?
why can't i just live like my others friends.?!
like whatever they did, the sun will still shine on them, the spotlight will always on them, they'll always be the centre of the group, the main character of others' stories.?!
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